when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
