yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
