Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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