It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
