Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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