the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
