1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
