hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
