if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
