I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
