Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
