dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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