rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
