Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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