This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
