i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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