I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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