just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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