I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
