i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
