just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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