The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
