I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
