Banned from zoo.
Again?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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