Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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