dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
