Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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