I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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