I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
