I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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