Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
COCAINE IS GR8
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
