Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
