I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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