Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to calm my uterus...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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