I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
