got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
