I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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