We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
