he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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