he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
