my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
