I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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