I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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