I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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