Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
