Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
