i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
