I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
