Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He has the fingertips of a God
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