**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
