the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
