That's intense
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I use my feet as sexual weapons
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
