Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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