I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
