how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
