It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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