hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
