they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
