A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
