Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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