it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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