marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
