god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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