Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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