Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
