I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
