your thong is hanging out like whoa
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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