I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
