I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
