I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
