If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
