Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
