i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
