I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
