it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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