it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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