the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize