He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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