listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
